TL;DR

The iconic desktop media player has enjoyed several revivals, but none as technically impressive as Rodrigo Méndez’s Linamp.

Powered by a Raspberry Pi 4B, the stereo’s touchscreen interface features Winamp’s recognizable UI, allowing music to be played from CDs, storage drives, and even Spotify. Most of the iconic Winamp features are there, including playlist editing, but those hypnotic visualizers are, unfortunately, MIA.

If last week’s big revamp and the launch of the Canva Enterprise package didn’t convince you, hang on one minute.

Perhaps the power of hip-hop dance and Hamilton-style rhymes can prove that Canva’s suite is soulless enough (or “safe and securrre” enough, if you prefer) to have a place in your corporation alongside Microsoft 365, Zoom, Google Workspace, and Slack.

We stan a relatable king. Who hasn’t had their whole day leveled by emails?

“Sunscreen, shades, ZZ Top’s Degüello album and beer is INCOMPATIBLE to emails! Natural adversaries!”

Despite being a .Swoosh-exclusive this BSOD-themed shoe doesn’t have any NFT links or crypto wallet requirements (although you will need to register an account by April 18th).

Nike’s web3 plans for .Swoosh seem mostly dead, with a January blog post saying digital gaming item tie-ins will skip the blockchain and instead just link to Nike accounts.

Uh huh-huh-huh-huh. Shut up, Beavis.

The 3D X-ray startup Lumafield did a CT scan of a Stanley Quencher water bottle to show you without destroying one (but if your viral insulated cup does happen to break, you should return it).

You can see where an airhole in the stainless steel outer layer is vacuum-sealed with a small lead pellet, which appears red in the image below. That way, it never comes in contact with your beverage in the inner flask or with you on the outside.

The Wall Street Journal, BBC, 9 News, and other outlets report that McDonald’s “technology outage” temporarily closed restaurants in Australia, Hong Kong, Japan, New Zealand, and the UK. There’s no word on any impact in the US, where the McGriddles must flow.

Residents of Fukuyama City are looking for a cat that fell into a vat of toxic chemicals at a metal plating factory. After reviewing security footage, officials believe it fell in the tank containing hexavalent chromium on Sunday night, crawled out, and ran off.

Locals are keeping an eye out but are urged not to touch the potentially highly toxic cat. Personally, I’m rooting for the cat’s eventual rise as the greatest supervillain the world has ever seen.

If you have a deactivated library card for Worcester Public Library in Worcester, Massachusetts, you can get it reactivated by bringing in a photo of a cat. Or a drawing of a cat. Or “any ungovernable animal.”

Some scientist has suggested putting salt in tea as the best method of brewing, leading to international uproar.

Of course, putting salt in tea is a fine American tradition.

ICYMI, we discovered the founder of Leia is using a Red Hydrogen as his daily driver. The phone was one of our flops of the decade, and made our list of the worst gadgets we've touched. But... the maker of its screen is not only alive, but thriving! Take a look:

Okay. So there’s something called a “Disney Day Drinkers Club” (more than 85,000 members!) and their mascot is a trash can called “Binny.” Disney has moved the trash can.

Too many people were lining up for photos with Binny, blocking the pub’s entrance and causing safety issues, says a Disney spokeswoman. 

Moving Binny was a big deal, says Sher, the founder, because of Disney superfans’s obsessive attention to detail, and fandom that can border on fanaticism.

You know what, I will also take a gold bar — from Costco or otherwise — for Christmas. Online shopping is so weird, my friends.

Galanti previously said the company sells out of its gold inventory “within a few hours” of the products being listed online.

According to BI, the gold bars are currently out of stock.

NJ Transit is delayed.

Have we figured out yet whether Cloud’s arms are... augmented... in Final Fantasy VII Rebirth? Jay and I were just talking about a very important investigation he conducted back in the day.

In the middle of the NBA playoffs, Eric Lewis was suspended for allegedly responding to criticism of himself and other refs on a “burner” account, despite a policy barring referees from discussing officiating without approval. The 19-year vet had just refereed game one of the Western Conference finals, and even LeBron James took note.

Now, as The Athletic and NBA.com report, everything has come to a close with this statement by the league:

NBA referee Eric Lewis has informed the league office that he is retiring, effective immediately. In light of his decision, the NBA’s investigation into social media activity has been closed.

It hit me that Twitter is dead, so the word “tweet” is fair game now! It wasn’t even Twitter’s word to begin with. So I have reversed her reversal, editing this just-published post of mine four times to just call them tweets. Zuck tweeted. Mosseri tweeted. I will be tweeting again too, just as soon as Zuck and Mosseri let me tweet from the web!

For anyone who hasn’t canceled Max yet, a documentary later this month will dive into the story behind Bishop Sycamore, an alleged Ohio high school program that was mostly a front for a traveling football team.

It stumbled along until 2021 when things fell apart after a 58-0 loss in a nationally televised game on ESPN, and the Ohio Department of Education called it a “scam.”

Remember when we we shared the utterly infuriating elevator buttons stationed in our very own offices? They’ve been vanquished!

Now, instead of every soul aboard a crowded elevator stabbing a keypad in disbelief, a single tap and a single touchscreen press simultaneously summons the elevator, programs it to visit the appropriate floor(s), and points YOU in the right direction. And friends, the doors... they open instantly. Smartest elevators I’ve ever seen.

By the time I click, the email’s usually gone. It’s fascinating how Google can reach into your inbox to delete stuff.

But I can testify that the Dick’s keep getting through Gmail’s spam filters — they’ve seemingly been penetrated for good.